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 8. Dezember

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BeitragThema: 8. Dezember   Do 8 Dez 2016 - 14:16

Source: Deviantart


The world can be a dark place. Especially right before holidays. Stay at home. It’s safer there.

Hello Reader.  

Christmas is coming. Soon. Are you prepared? You’re not sure, if you’re prepared? Good that I’m here.  Enough Food?
In any case you need a lot of chocolate. Three kilograms won’t do. Five? Are you kidding? You’re allowed to be greedy.
Just the usual amount of eleven kilos will do the job. Yeah, gooood.
Don’t forget Cheese, Bacon, gummy bears (gelatin free of course), a sandwich and a brick.
Place all the food inside your fridge. Place the brick where you can grab it anytime, when you’re at home.
In case of emergency take the brick and throw it out your closed window. Be sure, that the window is closed. And be sure,
that the glass will shatter a lot. And then you can light the fridge on fire.
That’s all you have to know. You’re prepared now. I know you can do it. Already very proud of you.

The calendar does not exist during pre-holiday times. Especially before Christmas.
Every time people take a look at the calendar they start to panic. That’s why calendars do not exist during that time.
If you don’t have a calendar, you’ll panic even more. And that’s great!

Christmas is the season of presents, family, love and surprises. Be sure, that you can surprise your family
with something you love. Do you love baseball? Then don’t just buy the baseball bat and give it to your family.
That won’t be that much of a surprise. No. Take the bat and beat the Family’s Christmas Tree with it. I guarantee,
that this will surprise your family and that they will never ever forget that one Christmas, where you showed them
how passionate you are about your interests.

Do you like to sing Christmas songs? You don’t? I see. You’re annoyed by Christmas Song. I can totally feel you.
But think about it: The majority of people think, that Christmas Song are annoying. So let me tell you
that you can have one big achievement in life, with Christmas Song. Just sing them. Like all the time,
when people are around you. They will all start to hate you. And leave you alone.
And that’s where you get the Achievement of “Congratulations! You pissed off a lot of people in a very short time
without that much effort. You can have some sweet, non-annoying, quiet holidays, you champ!”

For the end I have a very good tip for all of you: If you don’t have enough money for a tree. Don’t be sad about it.
Be glad about it. And remind yourself that you didn’t bring something that’s silently dying during those happy holidays
inside your own home. Remind yourself that you aren’t a tree-murderer. You are not a cruel person, like all those families
with their children. Because those children will one day be cruel as their parents were. They will BUY an almost dead being
and put on some nice jewelry on it, just to celebrate in front of it, while it’s silently dying.
Be proud. You saved trees.

And with that I wish all of you that you will survive the pre-days of Christmas and Christmas itself too.
Stay safe. You’re prepared and you know what to do now.

Goodbye, Reader. Goodbye.


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Tad Strange

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BeitragThema: Re: 8. Dezember   Fr 9 Dez 2016 - 10:35

Whoever wrote this - this is very beautiful!
And it captures the spirit of Night Vale so perfectly - thank you! Smile

Tad's the name and being normal's my game.
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